Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Died of a Drug Overdose

Every prophecy of fame
end in a dried up claim
I hang my head in vain
in unbearable shame.

When will I adorn myself
with robes of royalty?
When will my head wear a crown
that my black heart yearns for?

How long will I linger
on unholy crossroads?
How long will I dream of sweet wine
while holding cups of moonshine?

I sense my sadness
deep entrenched in my bones,
My concealed sorrows
gnawing at the marrow.

I break every commandment
etched onto my cranium
As I thrust the needle deep
along long intakes of vapour.

Battery acid flow
through my veins
carving in to my flesh
corroding the very soul.

The scent of mary jane
beckons to a long night's slumber
The thoughts in me
stir like molten grease.

A thin film of latex
could have denied my being
A reaper's scythe
could take it all away.

Yet I am so ungrateful
for I dream more than mere bread
My desires reach for
beyond clear skies and dark fathoms.

I crave for a land, a realm
to call my own
than the prozac nation
whose reign I bear.

I long to stand on the shore
and howl at the savage moon
than be a crow among ravens
that scavenge for morsels.

When will I adorn myself
with robes of royalty?
When will my head wear a crown
that my black heart yearns for?

How long will I linger
on unholy crossroads?
How long will I dream of sweet wine
while holding cups of moonshine?

----------------------------------------
- Anup Asokan, Leicester

As usual, I have posted an explanation for the poem in the comments section

Friday, February 20, 2009

One Spooky Night

There are many stories that happen that you don’t want to talk about. Sometimes you are just comfortable not talking about them, not mentioning them during small talk, or even not remembering them. You bury them deep inside under all those fun and bar-brawl memories. But sometimes in the apt moments (unexpected but apt) you will get a familiar eerie feeling you associate with that incident. Then the memory rushes on to you. But when it does it’s not the entire replay. It’s just glimpses of it, as if you were dissociated from the event and you might be even mildly surprised that you had such a memory. But soon enough you will forget it again, and bury it under memories of mushy first dates and binge drinking and wild adventures from your teenage years. I didn’t want to bury this again. I know it might come around again, but what if it doesn’t...

I used to stay near the Outer Ring Road in Bangalore. Babusapalya, to be precise. This happened in early 2007 I think so. I have a soggy memory. Those days I had a job in Tesco HSC as a web designer. I also had a red 150cc Bajaj Pulsar, which I loved so much that I got close to naming her (which I did not, and yes, I just addressed her in the feminine, and yes, you bloody lot can laugh!). This one my dad had got me a year earlier. Unfortunately as much I enjoyed riding her.. I mean.. it, I was a lousy driver (no pun intended, you perverts). I met up with the unlikeliest of accidents in the unlikeliest of places. It was a revelation to me that besides me there were so many morons on the road. So I had an idea. My shift at work was from afternoon to late night at 10.30 pm. I would stay up late by an hour while browsing the web (which I do more religiously at work). Then by 11.30 or 12 o’clock I leave. By the time the traffic would have withered out, and the entire highway will be my private property. Then I would cruise at very (stupidly) dangerous high speeds. I enjoyed the chilly air blowing against my face, and through my hair.

This fun ride had a highlight too. On the way there was a flyover at K R Puram with an almost 90° curve. Now it’s very important that do not brake during the turn at high speeds. Actually you should be slowing down. My adrenaline moment is when I cover the turn without braking, slow accelerating, high speed at a slanting angle of 45° (it seemed like). Sometimes I feel I could smell burning rubber from the tyres (I think I had a handle bent and that was the cause). Anyway I always try to be careful. Sometimes they don’t turn the lights on, on the stretch. I never thought it would be a problem. It hardly mattered. I spend a grand per month to ride my bike to work when I had free company transport. My friend Shabib often pointed it out, but I was happily in denial. I had my version of economics.

So coming back to the story, one day I was broadening my wisdom through wikipedia at work. The thing got a bit more interesting, and I stretched myself a bit more than the usual. It was past 12.30 am when I decided I should be sleeping at home. So I left the place. The road was almost empty except for the occasional lorry passing by. And I sped along slowing down once in a while for the rare but irritating speed breaker. Then I reached the feature presentation – the flyover.

As I neared it, I saw a lorry make its turn at the bend. Apart from its headlights, there was no light at all over the flyover. I rode up the flyover and this reminded me of an incident months back, of finding a dead body lying there. The poor fellow had been hit by a passing vehicle in the darkness. This did not spook me even a bit then or even now. But because the lights were off and perhaps of this reminder I instinctively slowed down from my usual speed. Nevertheless I took a small slanting turn. But what I faced will be always my greatest adrenaline moment on the road.

As I took the turn, my headlights shone upon, what seemed to be a withered woman running alongside the curb. The lights fell on her maybe for about a quarter of a second, but I could pick up the details. She was wearing a white night gown, and had some hair on the head (never saw her face clearly.. yet). Her frame was skeletal but she looked pregnant. She had a huge bump in her front. And to add the final touch, she held up her arms to skies as if a small child gestures her parent to pick her up. This mad thing gave a small wail as I passed close by. Needless to say I was alarmed. Then I tried to do something stupid.

As I put some distance between the thing and me, I tried to catch a glimpse of her by turning my head back. Well first of all there was no light. Second, I had forgotten all about the turn and predictably the bike hit the curb. As the wheel started to wobble, I tried to focus on maintaining the balance. Being the expert that I am, I fell, skinning my knee and losing my helmet in the process.

The fall was painless except for a throbbing knee. But I was shaken and there was this huge bellowing sound coming from the darkness behind me. I grabbed my helmet fast and raised my bike, shivering like a scared kitten. As I mounted my bike I heard footsteps, as if dogs were chasing me. I did have a number of dogs as my pets. I remember the sounds of the strides they make, and the second last thing I wanted was rabid dogs hanging by my ankles. I tried to kick start the machine, but under the pressure I wasn’t kicking right. Then I realised I had forgotten about the damn quick start button! The strides came closer and they definitely did not sound human. Then I started hearing heavy breathing closing in on me. I started the bike and raced the engine a bit. There was an unearthly shriek from behind and I took off. All this happened in a matter of seconds.

The clouds thinned a bit to reveal the gleam of the waning moon. Then in the dying moonlight I saw. It was her. The skeletal frame of a woman, running on all fours! Like a dog! I could not see her face (I never did). The sight was spine chilling (The hair on my arms rise up as I tell you this). Now clearly I was frightened to my wit’s end. I rode down to the foot of the flyover like a scud.

At the bottom the lorry I had seen before, was waiting. Its two occupants were peering out. Probably they had seen her too. I did not stop there. I did not want to see how the freak show ends. I rode past them. I was shaking like a leaf. I drove over humps like they never existed. I tried to shake out the image of her out of my mind. I had this terrifying feeling that she was behind me, faster, picking up my scent like a dog. Sometimes I almost believed that she was behind me riding on my pillion. I tried to shrug it off. I took a deviation from the highway for my home.

On the unlit path, I got startled at every shadow that moved or I imagined moving. I started talking to myself, abusing everything in nature as if it was a conspiracy. I just made it to home somehow. My friend Francis was at the door. As I parked my bike, he saw the blood stain on my khakis. ‘What happened?’ ‘Just an accident,’ I didn’t want to discuss anything ‘nothing serious.’ I went straight to bed.

The next morning I woke up. I found I was still wearing my watch and socks (Francis had removed my shoes). I phoned up my office, and let them know that I would be coming through the company transport.

So that was the story why I stopped taking the bike to Tesco. Everyone else thought I learnt the right version of economics.

.....................

Monday, January 26, 2009

Entering the 60th year of Our Republic

The Republic day is always more important to me than Independence day ever will be. Of course I celebrate I-day more colourfully, but Republic day is the day we defined what India will be. Independence day is only when we got our Independence from the British, who just happened to the last in line of a large group of conquerors both indigenous and foreign. Only on 26 January 1950, we gave our self a constitution. The definition of nationhood was made. This one was unique. There are nations defined by religion (Israel, Pakistan), language (Bangladesh), common culture (Bhutan) and so on. This one had four major language families itself, numerous religions, and different cultures, yet it stood as one country. There is no nation like us. A continent packed in a country. Saare Jahaan se Achchha.

The following is a speech I wrote for my friend Rakesh who was to give it at the Institute of Maritime Studies, Goa where he is studying.

My Dear friends, Fellow countrymen, Proud Indians,

Today we celebrate the 60th Republic day of India.
Many of us do not know the importance of this day.

We got our independence in 1947, but the head of the state was George VI, the King of England
India did not have a president. She did not have a constitution

It was only on 26th January 1950 that the Union of India, became the Sovereign Democratic Republic of India.

My dear brothers,

When this country was born, when this nation was in her youth,
the world wrote her obituary.

They proclaimed, the experts of the west and east shouted out loud..

that this nation will not last... that India will disintegrate into a hundred pieces
that she will become a military dictatorship.. or that she will become a religious state...
they could not imagine how India a country of a million gods, a thousand languages, a hundred religions, exist as one nation..

But in spite of their predictions, India survived

Not only did she survive, she thrived,
she blossomed into the greatest nation in the world.
When she was young and when the world was divided into blocs of the cold war
she found non alignment.
We have the third largest army in the world, but we are the most non-violent.
Four world religions were born here, but India did not become a Hindu Pakistan, she remained a secular nation

Today she is a economic power... tomorrow she will be the next superpower
J B S Haldane the biologist called this country 'the closest approximation of the free world'
(and he became a Indian citizen also)

The reason she stands like a goddess before you,
is that when in need, her sons have stood up in her honour

Men like Bhagat Singh who when martyred was younger than most of us here now,
Men like Gandhi who soft in words, was hard in resolve
Men like Azad and Tagore and Bose stood up for her freedom

Men like Nehru and Ambedkar and Patel stood up for a modern republic

Men like Sam Manekshaw, J F R Jacob, and Jagjit Singh Aurora stood up in times of war

Men like Abdul Kalam and Satyajit Ray made her proud

If India remains more than a geographical entity or an economy,
it was only because her sons and daughters stood up for her.. shed tears, sweat, and blood

Our ancestors, our political leaders, our soldiers, our peasants
all lived and died for this nation, the idea of India...

Today my friends we are about to inherit this legacy..
But can we make her proud.. Can be we worthy of being her children

Will there be another Bhagat Singh, Gandhi, or Nehru among us..

My fellow Indians, when India was young and vulnerable
there were men and women to see their dream of a great nation come true

Today we have a responsibility, a duty and right, our dharma
of keeping alive the flame and spirit of a 59 year old republic and a 5000 year old civilization
I have a humble request to all of you, to take a silent sacred pledge
to keep the dream and idea of a free India pure, without falling to the ills of communalism and corruption and cowardice.

Jai Hind